Monday, February 9, 2009

Full up

I want to play my guitar right now. I want to write a song and begin playing to my heart's content.
But I can't because I'm full.

I ate a good healthy dinner tonight, and I ate until I felt full. I hate feeling full. I fell uncomfortable with myself and on edge about everything. All I can really think about is how much I want to go get it all out right now. When I'm full, i think it's safe to say my self-confidence drops to a 0-1, no matter what it was before. I can't play my guitar because it freaks me out right now. I'm going to mess it up and hate myself for it. There is this impending sense of doom- Like wherever I go, whatever I do or say, I'm going to cause destruction. I'm going to cause some unknown tragedy, even if it is simply the murder of a song on my guitar. Usually playing it calms me down- but when I'm full it suddenly becomes this unrealistically overwhelming task I dread.
Is this what full is supposed to feel like? I somehow doubt that this is the norm.
So, here is my question for you- (Yes, you!)
How does full feel? Is it uncomfortable? Is it soothing? Is it a relief? Is it a stress?
Or is it perhaps just a meaningless word which happens to coincide with food?

Comment. I would really like to know everyone's thoughts on it. Thanks!


  1. full is a very uncomfortable feeling for me, too.
    like...i failed.
    full, for me, is disgusting so dependant on this...this food...that i let it beat me.
    i hate letting it beat me.
    i hate losing...
    i hate giving in.
    i hate feeling disgusting.
    i hate feeling like im worthless and pathetic.

  2. I have found in my recovery process that spending time with others in good conversation after I am full is the best way to keep my mind off of the moment.

    I have to keep my mind occupied with something - anything else.

  3. full is most definitely uncomfy...but it doesn't usually elicit the panic that it used to. The best thing for me is to put on some loose comfy clothes that won't make me so aware of my body and try to distract myself.

  4. I agree "full" is an uncomfortable feeling. I still don't always like the feeling, but I've learned to ride it out, sit with it, and know that it really will pass. It's not an overnight thing to overcome, and takes time and practice, but it can get easier.

    In the meantime, I try to distract myself with something else not food oriented.

  5. Full is hard one. I totally agree. Hate the feeling. When i was in treatment i was sooo mad the first two weeks because i was ALWAYS full. I wasn't used to eating normal meals and snacks. It got easier while in treatment...although having been out for a while it sucks again. I get so sad, mad, just ugh. So i hear ya.

  6. full, fo me, is a kind of sluggish, i-don't-want-to move feeling, but not generally bad. stuffed is bad, full is ok. and maybe 10 minutes after "being full", when the food has somehow settled, then I feel much better, like i gave my body what it needs, the hunger pain is not taking up my mind anymore and I can go about and do whatever I want.

  7. "Full" is my largest trigger. I absolutely hate "feeling" full. Intellectually, I can understand why some might like the feeling; however, I feel completely uncomfortable when I feel full.

    Thanks for following my blog!

    Greta :)

  8. Full is sitting there thinking of ways to get unfull. Full is counted calories and painful hours of exercise after everyone has already gone to bed...