Avacado Abuse!

I think I'm becoming an avocado abuser!
[With that in mind, I can be fairly certain you all think I'm insane (Which, granted, is true.. but still!)]

Anyway, I'm totally serious. I'm abusing them.
Maybe I'll give you the low-down on them..
You see, I am very allergic to avocados. Oh, my taste buds love them dearly.. But my body, not so much.
When I eat avocados, I get very sick. Not anaphylactic shock sick like cinnamon makes me, just SICK sick.
With Avocado, if I have a minuscule slice I get a massive headache and get very dizzy (and sometimes a bit disoriented), my body gets really shaky, I get the worst never-ending-stomach ache, and last (but certainly not least!), I vomit violently for hours. Even when theres nothing left in there TO throw up, my body still tries.
Now to a NORMAL person, all of this would probably make you steer clear of avocados.
However, to a person struggling with ED.. Well, you can imagine. I HATE being sick. Truly, I do. So WHY do I keep eating it??
I think a part of me likes that I don't have to make myself purge, the avocado does all the dirty work. It's like my own ipecac syrup, only it's not as likely to cause massive heart attacks. So as ridiculous as it sounds- I am abusing avocados. BAD Emma. I know. ...And yet I continue to do it. I'm an idiot, and I want to cry after I eat it because I just feel so sick it's almost unfathomable. Like you can't even imagine. My body does NOT like avocado.
Ed loves it though.
What in the heck am I supposed to do?? I know I need to stop, and I keep telling myself I'm not going to do it again, only to freak out after I eat something and take a little bit of avocado when it's all in my face. It's all I can think about after I eat!
Alright. I suppose that's all. And yes, I realize there is nothing anyone can do or say to help except myself. But does anyone have any suggestions on how I might go about getting out of this mad cycle?
I suppose I'm mostly just trying to hold myself accountable right now. I feel slightly less likely to do something if people know what's up. Thanks for letting me rant and ramble.

Oh, PS- I totally wouldn't normally say what thing it was I was 'abusing', but in this case I'm fairly certain no one else can get any avocado-abusing ideas from me... lol